The Fine Art Of Falling Apart
by spacemonkey69
Summary: Chandler's sick, and he needs their help. Chapter Four up, please read and review. RR, possible Mondler...we'll see!
1. Chapter 1

Okay, new story. I wasn't going to, but I did, and I'm kinda annoyed with myself right now for doing so, and not even sure how good this is, or how good it's going to be. 

Wow...what a long ass sentence that was. Anyway, the new story. This came by after I recieved a lovely PM from Gypsy t. Potter, who was thinking of the Season 3 ep, TO without the ski trip, and, more specifically, the part where Chandler collapsed from shortness of breath. She thought 'hmm, more to it then the smoking?' and I thought 'how very interesting?' and then, well, this happened. So, this is completely Gypsy's idea, I'm just doing what she asked hehe, and writing it. It's gonna be a sickness fic, and I already have ideas swirling in my head, because it's an interesting place to put it, what with Ross and Rachel's breakup just happening, so hmmmmmm! But I'll shut up, and let you get on to reading the story. It hasn't taken off anywhere yet, but hopefully, give me time to make it better! Oh, and continuing with my recent 'Matthew Good Band' thing, the title of this fic is taken from one of their songs of the same name. I thought it was fitting. So please read and review, love you all! 

I do not own friends/actors/characters, but I do own a sore back. Man, I gotta get outta this computer chair and into the great outside! Pah, yeah right. 

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Another cough splintered the air and Joey rolled his eyes.

"Dude, seriously."

"What?" Chandler managed innocently.

"You've been coughing the entire trip!"

"That's weird. It couldn't be because we've just been skiing…where it's cold…Where-"

"You were coughing before then!"

"It's winter time. It couldn't be because-"

"Okay, that's enough," Monica interrupted from the front of the cab.

"Thank God," Rachel muttered, then turned to Chandler. "Honey? Seriously. The smoking thing, it has to stop!"

"You're just jealous."

"Why would I be jealous of you doing such a filthy, disgusting-"

"Because of how cool and sexy I look doing it."

"Chandler, I don't think many people would find you coughing up a lung _cool _or _sexy_."

Chandler responded to Rachel by breaking out into another coughing fit. "Come on," he gasped between coughs. "How is this not sexy?"

"I wonder," Joey muttered. Monica let out a sigh and waited for Chandler to settle down.

"Seriously honey, what sort of an idiot starts smoking while they're just getting over a cold? Or at _all_?"

"Hey, it's Ross and Rachel's fault! They made me do it with their whole thing!" Chandler exclaimed, wheezing slightly.

"Yeah, well now I'm gonna make you undo it. As soon as we get home, I'm helping you quit!"

Chandler rolled his eyes. "Fine. Hey, Pheebs? Phoebe….Pheebi, Pheebs-a, P-"

"Huh? I wasn't listening," Phoebe spoke up from the driver's seat, almost oblivious to Chandler's ramblings.

"Can we stop soon?"

"No!" his friends exclaimed in unison. Chandler slumped back in his seat.

"Nicotine Nazi's."

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"Hello?" Rachel entered Apartment 19, glancing around as she smoothed out her work clothes. "Chandler? You home yet?" She received no answer and decided he must've still been at work. A glance back to the door revealed a note on the doodle board, in Joey's messy handwriting, saying, "gone to audition, date with hot girl from CP.'

"Guess he won't be home all night," Rachel muttered to herself, walking over to Chandler's room, tape in hand. She figured she would leave it on his bed, because, knowing her, she would forget about it.

Carefully, she opened both parts of the door, then glanced up and let out a gasp.

"You rang?" Chandler asked from under the covers, one leg sticking out.

"What are you doing in bed? Did you get off work early?"

"No, that would have involved actually going to work," he answered, wheezing slightly. Rachel sighed. He had to quit, she thought as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Why?" Suspicion suddenly filtered in and she narrowed her eyes. "Did you just feel like getting an extra long weekend? Because if you did…well, you could have told us schmucks who actually went to work, and we could have-"

"Rach…please, stop talking," Chandler interrupted, wincing and Rachel frowned.

"Did you drink last night?"

"What? No!" He winced again. "Ow."

"Oh…oh, you're sick!" she exclaimed suddenly and Chandler rolled his eyes.

"Well, that only took four hours to figure out."

Rachel let out an annoyed grunt, then leaned forward and felt his forehead. "Jeez honey, you're burning up! Why didn't you call someone?"

"Joey's here…well, he was." Chandler frowned, then let out a short cough. "Where is he?"

"Audition, date, most likely getting laid after."

"Oh…I must've been asleep." Chandler closed his eyes, taking in a harsh breath. "Ow."

"You don't sound good," Rachel commented, feeling his forehead again. Chandler pulled away.

"I'm peachy, I just…I think I might go back to sleep now."

"Chand-"

"I'm fine, just a cold. And hey, I haven't smoked once today. Yay!" He raised a fist in celebration, then let it flop back down onto the cover. Rachel tsked, setting the tape down on his bedside table and stood up as he began to cough again. She waited till he was finished.

"Okay. We'll check up one you later, seeing Joey's got a hot date."

"'kay," Chandler said, sounding almost drowsy. "What's on the tape?"

"Oh, just something to help you stop smoking. If you feel the urge, just pop it on and voila."

Chandler nodded, then rolled onto his side, back facing her. Rachel shuffled her feet a couple of times, then turned and left the apartment, hearing Chandler cough as she stepped into the hallway. A cry left her lips as she collided with someone, then a groan as she saw who it was.

"Hi," Ross said softly. Rachel set her jaw.

"Hello, Ross."

"How was the trip?"

"Fine."

"Good." He stared at her for a moment and Rachel sighed, knowing she should attempt to make polite conversation.

"How's Ben?"

"Fine."

"Good."

There was a long pause as they both looked down at their feet, then Ross spoke. "Well, I'm just gonna go hang out with Joey and Chan."

"Joey's not here and Chandler's in bed."

"Why?"

"He has an audition."

"No, why is Chandler in bed?"

"He's sick, don't disturb him," she muttered, pushing past him, towards her door.

"Oh. Well, I'll just…he won't mind if I hung out, would he?"

Rachel paused, then turned to face her ex boyfriend. "Ross, why don't you just go home?"

"Hey, I have every right to be here as you do."

"No, you don't."

"Oh, uh, I think I do."

"Do you live here?" Rachel asked sweetly. Ross faltered.

"No."

"No. I do. See how that works?"

"What, so I can't even come here anymore?"

"Well, maybe when I'm not here."

"Were you not listening to Phoebe the other day? Saying how we had to make an effort to get along?" Ross questioned and it was Rachel's turn to falter.

"…I know."

"Don't you think we should try to do that? For our friends?"

She sighed, glancing down at her hands. "Yeah, I know."

"Alright."

"But…it's hard though."

"I know," Ross said softly, glancing up at the door to Apartment 19.

"You still can't go in there, he's sleeping."

"Oh…so, can I come in with you?"

Rachel rubbed her forehead, hating this, hating Ross, missing Ross, and knowing that she should do the right thing. For her friends.

"Yeah," she said tiredly, then turned and opened the door to her apartment, not waiting for Ross. He trailed in behind her, shutting the door.

"Thanks."

"Just…watch TV or something, I'm going in my room," she muttered, not looking at him, but she just knew he was nodding. She didn't check and closed her bedroom door behind her. "Son of a bitch."

It wasn't getting easier, she realised as she flopped onto her bed. She still was torn between loving him and ripping his heart out, like he had done to her-

"Harsh image there, Rach."

-and she just didn't know.

Letting out an aggravated sigh, she rolled onto her stomach, pressing her face into her pillow and wishing the bed would just swallow her whole.


	2. Chapter 2

(Quietly slinks in, puts story on the table, leaves)

Yeah, okay, I know I kinda forgot about this story, I'm sorry, but yay for update! This chapter...well, it really isn't much, just a bit of character development, you could say, but it has some fun stuff in it! So please read and review, hope you guys haven't forgotten about it, and I hope to update soon! Ciao!

I do not own friends/actors/characters, but it is my intent to one day own the world! (Insert evil laughter here)

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"Are you sure you want _this _colour?" Monica asked with a wrinkle of the nose. "Rach?"

"Huh?" Rachel blinked at Monica, who simply smiled and rolled her eyes ever so slightly.

"The nail polish. Are you sure you want yellow?"

"Oh yeah, yellow is very in right now," Rachel said, almost dismissively. Monica glanced down at the yellow nail polish, then back up at Rachel.

"Blacks in. Blacks always in."

"Then you wear the black, I'm sticking with the yellow."

Monica let out a small sigh, which forced itself into a tiny smile as she began to paint the nail of Rachel's big toe. "Fashion is weird."

"Hey, I'm not arguing with you, but isn't it fun?"

"Yep. So, what's up? You were spacing a bit."

Rachel nodded after a moment. "Yeah, I guess I was."

"Thinking about Ross?"

"I haven't _stopped _thinking about Ross." Rachel groaned slightly, the mere mention of her ex boyfriends name sending her thoughts a-running, but she shook her head. "But I was actually thinking about Chandler."

"Well, if you _really _want to go down that road…"

"What? No! It's Chandler, Mon! I wouldn't sleep with Chandler!"

"What's wrong with Chandler?" Monica exclaimed, stopping the painting to stare at Rachel. Rachel stared back.

"I think _you _want to sleep with Chandler."

"I do not!"

"You seemed pretty defensive just there!"

"No, I didn't! I was just curious as to what was so wrong with Chandler that you would never sleep with him."

"He's, I dunno, like my brother. It would be weird."

"Yeah, well that's what I would have said as well." Monica cleared her throat, looking back down at Rachel's feet. "So, what about him?"

Rachel followed Monica's gaze, a small frown marring her face. "Oh, yellow is gross!"

"Do you want to try another colour?"

"No…yellow is in, like shoulder pads once were. We just have to grin and bear it."

"So, Chandler?"

"He's still coughing up his lungs."

"He has a cold, Rach, sometimes they hang around for more than two days," Monica said in the condescending tone that Rachel knew she loved to use.

"I've seen Chandler with a cold. He can usually get out of bed."

"Okay, so it's the flu."

"Yeah." Rachel fell into silence, watching Monica. "He's been sick a lot recently."

"It's been pretty cold."

"And I know that it seems like a 'don't talk about it' subject, but have you seen how much weight he's dropped? I saw him without his shirt on the other day and he has less waist than you!"

"It could be stress, Rach, you know it's pretty stressful feeding Joey."

"Why are you making all these excuses?"

"Why are you so fixated on this?"

"I'm not fixat-"

"Rachel, I know that things have been hard, but there are other ways of keeping your mind busy than creating health problems for Chandler."

Rachel pouted slightly, looking at her hands. Monica watched her for a moment, then continued. "And why Chandler? Why not Ross? I'm sure you'd much rather Ross suffer at the moment."

"Because Chandler is the one that's sick and skinny," Rachel grumbled. Monica cocked her head.

"Good point."

"Okay, now you're agreeing with me? Totally confused here, Mon."

"I know…why would yellow be fashionable?"

"Because it's springy and fun and if Chandler gets worse, he's going to the doctor."

"Fair enough and okay, Miss. Paranoid." Monica smiled a secret smile as she went back to painting, while Rachel worried her lip thoughtfully.

The door opened behind them and Rachel just knew who it was without looking.

"Hey."

"Hey Ross," Monica greeted her brother, glancing at Rachel warily. Ross walked over to the couch, looking down at the two girls.

"Yellow?"

"It's in right now," Rachel explained listlessly, to which Ross simply nodded, accepted and sat down, taking his jacket off. "How are you?"

"I'm great," Ross said with a hint of surprise in his voice, and Rachel knew he hadn't been expecting her to ask. "Spent the day with Ben, which was fun until I took him back to Carol's and she wasn't there, so I had to act all nice with Susan because I think Ben is realising that her _other _mommy isn't all that."

Rachel and Monica exchanged glances. "'Isn't all that?' What are you, seventeen?"

"Hey, I'm not the one wearing fluorescent yellow nail polish here," Ross shot back with a smile on his face. Rachel shook her head, hiding her own smile.

"Yellow is _in! _It really is!"

"Yeah, for women trying to regain their youth."

"I'm done here," Monica piped up, screwing the nail polish shut as she admired her work. Rachel did the same, a small grimace on her face. "You know, it's still pretty cold so I doubt you'll be wearing anything that shows off…this."

"I'm still going to know its there. Oh, this is as bad as shoulder pads!"

"What's wrong with shoulder pads?" Ross asked. The two girls merely looked at him. "I mean, shoulder pads? Yuk! Uh…how's, how's Chandler?"

"Nice save," Monica muttered as she stood up, walking towards the kitchen.

"You haven't been to see him?"

"Uh, I believe you were the one to tell me to leave him alone," Ross said shortly.

"That was _yesterday,_ Ross."

"Oh, I wasn't aware the rules had silently changed overnight."

"Okay, okay!" Monica held up her hands, walking back over. "Is this really playing nice?"

"He was asleep when I checked on him, that was an hour ago," Rachel said after a beat.

"Man, I hope I don't get it, I really can't afford to be sick right-"

"Oh, right, that's great Ross."

"What?"

"I hope I don't get it," Rachel mimicked. "No, poor Chandler, no 'man, maybe I should go bring him some chicken soup', or-"

"The chicken soup thing is Phoebe's job, it always has been when one of us is sick!"

"_Phoebe doesn't eat chicken!_"

"Oh my god! You two, I feel like I'm going crazy!" Monica exclaimed, flopping down on the couch. "Will you please, go back to the civilized conversation? The 'yellow is in right now' kinda stuff. That, I can take! That does not make me want to cut you two up into little pieces and bake you in a _pie_!"

"Okay, entering serial killer mode there, Mon," Rachel said with a small laugh. Monica stared at her, wide eyed.

"I know!"

"Yeah, I'm gonna go and hang out with Joey," Rachel said a moment later, standing up.

"Rach, your toes!"

"Crap!" Rachel looked down at her toes, assessed the damage, then let out a small sigh. "It's okay, they were dry…damnit, why didn't they get messed up? Then I would have a reason to get rid of the yellow!"

"I am so glad I'm not a woman," Ross said, leaning back in his chair. Rachel gave him a dirty look then turned and left the apartment, muttering to herself as she crossed the hallway.

"Stupid Ross, stupid nail polish…hey, Joey!" she exclaimed after opening the door. Joey looked up from his position at the counter, smiled, then put a finger to his lips. "Sorry."

"Chandler's asleep," he explained as she pulled open the fridge door.

"Still?"

"I know, he sleeps more than I do."

"Now, see, I just don't think that's possible."

Joey rolled his eyes, then bit into his sandwich as Rachel closed the fridge, a bottle of Yoo-Hoo in her hand. "So, what's up?" he asked through a mouthful of pastrami and bread. Rachel shrugged.

"Ross was annoying me so I bailed."

"Hey, at least you two are talking now!"

"Yeah, but most of the time it's just us yelling at each other."

"It's still talking. You're still using your mouths!"

"As opposed to using our asses to communicate." Joey gave Rachel a blank look and she sighed, then took a sip of her drink. "I guess you're right, I just wish it was easier, you know? Or I just wish he hadn't slept with the stupid copier girl. Yeah, that is probably the better option."

"But he did," Joey said simply. Rachel nodded.

"Yeah."

"Look, Rach, it will get better. Trust me."

"What if it doesn't?"

"Then we're all gonna go nuts."

"Oh…yeah, it will get better," Rachel agreed, setting her drink down. "So, what you up to?"

"Eatin'."

"Other than that."

"I dunno, I'm pretty bored."

"I thought you always found ways to amuse yourself," Rachel asked in surprise. Joey shrugged.

"Chan and I usually hang out."

"What do you do while he's at work?"

"Amuse myself until he gets home."

"Wow…how, um, exciting." Rachel raised her eyebrows, taking another sip.

"Hey, don't knock my lifestyle."

"I wasn't…okay, why don't we go see a movie or something? Huh? Something with lots of explosions."

Joey's eyes lit up. "Really? An action movie? Not some Hugh Grant type thing?"

"No, we'll go see one of your movies."

"Awesome! Okay, wait a sec." Joey began to wolf down his sandwich at light speed, while Rachel watched in disgust. She put her hand up a second later.

"You take your time, honey. Seriously. I'm just gonna go check on Chandler."

Shaking her head in amusement, she walked past Joey to Chandler's room, pushing open the two parts of the door quietly. "Chandler? You awake?" There was no response, so Rachel walked up to his bedside, glancing down at him warily. His cheeks were incredibly flushed, she noted, and there was sweat glistening off his skin. Sighing, she went to pull up his forgotten covers, and her hand accidentally brushed his arm. Her eyes widened, and she flattened her hand against his skin, then moved it up to his forehead. He was burning up.

"Chandler? Chandler, wake up, honey, come on…Chandler!" She shook him slightly, received no response, not even a whimper. "Chandler?" she tried one more time, then turned towards the door. "Joey! _Joey!"_


	3. Chapter 3

I have just been overwhelmed with the amount of reviews I've received for only two chapters. Thank you guys so much, they really mean a lot to me! I hope you continue to read...please, please, please! Now, about this chapter...rather, this story. I had originally set out to make it primarily about Chandler's illness, with just a hint of Ross and Rachel drama, but the more I write, the more I am loving the Lobsters dynamic. It is just so much fun to write (the snippiness, the longing, oh my!) and I really think it works well with the story. I seem to have made an unconcious choice to write pretty much from Rachel's point of view. I've done that in other stories, but it was usually shared with a few of the other kids (namely, Chandler) I just find it interesting to have it from her POV, have her thinking about Chandler's problems through her eyes, feel her reactions and things. I'm not sure if I will continue doing that, but for now, it seems like the best way to go, for me. Besides, I feel most comfortable when writing from either Chandler or Rachel's POV, for some reason, and I feel that Chandler's POV might be difficult in this story (I don't know how or why it would be more difficult then writing his POV in Smoke and Mirrors, but just ignore me) Anyway, I've rambled on way too much, so just please read and review and I love you all! I'm off to bed now, toodles!

I do not own friends/actors/characters, and all that jazz. Man, if I did, I would be rolling in a pool of happiness.

_

* * *

_

_Pneumonia, _Rachel thought, watching Monica flip through a magazine. _Fanfreakingtastic. _

She had suffered through a nasty bout of pneumonia when she was eleven years old, so she knew that Chandler must have been having a fun old time right at that moment.

They were running tests. _What sort of tests_, she had wanted to ask. _Ones that answer why he's gotten so skinny? Why we haven't discussed that? Why Chandler's health had been pushed aside by Ross and I and our dramas?_

But she had kept her mouth shut, knowing that she couldn't think like that, and instead letting Ross do all the talking.

After all, he was the 'doctor'. She snorted.

"Something…something, funny?" Ross asked from the seat next to his sister.

"I was just imagining you in a doctor's coat."

"Seriously? You're going to try and pick a fight _here_?"

"I'm not picking a fight, Ross, I was just telling you want I was picturing," Rachel said testily.

"Oh…did I look good?"

"I was _laughing_, Ross."

"I wonder if Chandler is awake yet!" Phoebe spoke up loudly, causing both Ross and Rachel to look at her.

"I don't know, but if I sit in this chair for too much longer, my ass is going to meld to it," Monica muttered, tossing the magazine aside. Rachel raised her eyebrows.

"You'll never be able to fit into those black pants if that happened."

"I'm not sure I'd be able to fit into _any _pants if that happened, Rach."

"My ass is kinda numb…is that what happened to you, Mon? Because I don't really want a chair-ass." Phoebe shifted in her chair; comfort the last thing showing on her face. Monica frowned.

"It's pretty numb…kinda tingly."

"Good tingly or bad tingly?" Rachel asked. Monica merely looked at her. "I'm just saying if it was good tingly then I might have to take one of these things home."

"I wish it was good tingly," Monica mumbled after a short moment.

"Okay!" Ross stood up in a hurry, a troubled look in his eyes. "I might- I'm gonna go get some coffee. Mon, you want one?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Pheebs?"

"Nope, I'm fine."

"Okay." Ross started to walk down the corridor, then stopped and looked at a glaring Rachel. "Uh-"

"Oh, I'm fine," Rachel said sarcastically. Ross made a slight face, one of almost pain, then started back down the corridor. "Uch, men! Wait, no. Uch, Ross!"

"Don't worry, honey, I'm buying you George Clooney for Christmas," Monica said soothingly. Rachel's face lit up.

"Oh, you really _do _love me!"

"I'm pretty sure George Clooney is gay."

"No, Pheebs, don't you dare! You are not taking the possibility of George Clooney away from me!"

"Clooney? He's so gay!"

The three girls looked up at the new voice, same expressions of surprise written across their faces.

"Joey! Hey, how is he? Has he woken up yet?" Monica asked eagerly. Joey frowned slightly.

"Yeah, he woke up, like, half an hour ago."

"And you didn't tell us?" Phoebe said after a beat. Joey shrugged uselessly.

"I was kinda busy."

"Is he okay?"

"He's a bit better."

"Wow, and after only a few hours," Rachel remarked. Joey rolled his eyes.

"Well, he's not exactly in there doing laps...the doctor said that they should have the test results back for…whatever they ran really soon."

"I just love how ambiguous they are," Monica said sarcastically, receiving another Tribbiani frown.

"Right. So, uh, you guys are allowed in now. Where's Ross?"

"Jumped up his own ass," Rachel said, standing up.

"More commonly known as getting coffee. I'll wait for him, he's my brother."

"By the way, I don't hold you responsible for him." With a slight smile in Monica's direction, Rachel walked away.

"I love when we all get along," Phoebe said as she followed Rachel and Joey.

"Yeah, I thought you two promised that you would try to get along?"

Rachel sighed, knowing Joey was right. "I'm sorry, I know. It's just, it's hard to stop. Verbally abusing Ross is like an addiction. A pleasing, sadistic addiction. Like ice cream." She looked at Joey and Phoebe, who were both wearing matching expressions of what Rachel liked to call the 'what the hell?' face. "But this is about Chandler at the moment, not our dramas. I promise I'll try to behave. As long as he stops pissing me off."

"So, basically you want Ross to stop…living?"

"Not living…just not breathing, talking- okay, seriously, gonna stop being a bitch."

"Great! Here it is." Joey pushed open the door to room 217, holding it open for the girls. Rachel stepped inside, taking in the cheap wallpaper, the tacky art, the tiny bathroom. _Ah, hospitals_, she mused, stepping up to the bed.

"Hey, sweetie."

Chandler flickered his eyes open, smiling wanly. "Rach," he said hoarsely and Rachel winced, but was just glad he was talking at all. That he was awake. _God, when I couldn't wake you…_"My little heroine."

"Yeah, because being unable to wake you up constitutes as heroism. Had I picked you up and _flown _you to the hospital, then I might consider myself worthy of-"

"Short sentences, Rach…please."

"Sorry."

"I brought you a present, Chandler." Phoebe held out the stuffed toy she'd been holding. Chandler took it, eyeing it warily.

"It's a turkey."

"I tried to get her to buy the stuffed monkey, Chandler, but she insisted it was time for you to get over your hate for Thanksgiving."

"Well, there's not much else to do in this place," Phoebe continued on from Rachel.

"Thankyou, Pheebs…this will haunt my dreams every night." Chandler let out a cough, while Joey took the toy from him.

"I didn't even know they made toy turkeys."

"They make toys everything these days, Joe, its called commercialism," Ross said as he stepped in the room, Monica trailing behind. "Hey man, how are you feeling?"

"I should be getting to the marathon any minute now."

"Hey honey." Monica kissed Chandler on the forehead, ruffling his sweaty hair slightly before straightening. "I see you got you devil turkey."

Rachel smirked, sitting down into another ass-numbing chair as Chandler began to talk in quite tones to Monica, Joey and Phoebe surrounding them. _If we take better care of him…if Ross and I didn't fight so-_

"Hey," the object of Rachel's thoughts had appeared in front of her, and she jerked in shock at his sudden voice. "I, uh, I got you a coffee anyway…uh, sorry." Rachel took the cup from Ross, slightly surprised.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Ross glanced from Rachel to his feet, nodded twice, then stepped over towards Monica. Rachel found herself smiling into her cup.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," a soft voice came from the doorway. The group glanced up in unison. Rachel quickly analysed the small brunette, figuring her to be in her mid thirties and obviously a doctor. "I'm Dr. Stephens."

"I know, we met a few minutes back," Joey said with a raised eyebrow. The rest of the group looked at him. "Oh! Uh, you guys weren't here."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Ross Gellar, this is my sister Monica, Phoebe Buffay and Rachel Green."

"He's not a real doctor," Phoebe piped up," He's a dinosaur guy."

"Thank you, Pheebs," Ross said dryly.

"What? I was just getting in before Rachel could."

"Wasn't going to say a thing."

"Okay then." Dr Stephens merely smiled, stepping towards Chandler's side. "How are you feeling, Mr Bing?"

"There's a small midget sitting on my chest, doc," Chandler said offhandedly, ending with a cough.

"It's perfectly normal to feel some pressure on your chest."

"Yeah? Could you, I dunno, throw some lucky charms out the window? Get him off?"

"I see the tiny midget has been upgraded to leprechaun," Ross remarked. Chandler offered him a weak nod, his eyes flickering to Rachel as she stepped close to the bed.

"The test results?" she ventured softly, enjoying the banter but wanting to know more. Dr Stephens nodded.

"Of course. Mr Bing-"

"The only Mr Bing in my family is a woman…ish. Call me Chandler." Rachel frowned slightly at Chandler, wondering why he had chosen that moment to interrupt. Chandler rolled his eye at her and she rolled hers back.

"Okay, Chandler. The physical check we did earlier, while you were asleep, showed that you had a swollen lymph node on your groin, which-"

"Well, that doesn't sound too good," Chandler said hoarsely, "although it would explain why girls scream when they see me nake-"

"Chan," Joey said softly, quickly putting a stop to Chandler's ramblings. Rachel found herself exchanging a stricken glance with Ross, her brain flicking back to the time she had moseyed through her daddy's medical books. She was pretty sure she knew what was coming and had a feeling Ross did too.

"The blood work confirmed our suspicions. You have leukemia, Chandler," Dr Stephens said softly. Rachel's eyes reconnected with Ross' for a moment then began to blur as the silence spread throughout the room. "We will need to run further tests, but you can attribute the weight loss, the recent illnesses, the-"

"Mon!" Chandler yelped suddenly and Monica pulled her hand away from his.

"S-Sorry, I guess I was squeezing too hard."

"S'okay." Chandler picked at a bit of lint on his bed cover, flicked it away, then looked back up at the doctor. "I have leukemia."

"Yes."

"I have cancer."

"Yes."

"I don't…that really doesn't work for me right now."

"Mr Bi- Chandler, I know this is a lot to take in at the moment…" Dr Stephens glanced down at her papers for a brief moment. "Like I said, we will need to run further tests, but it seems we've probably caught this in the early stages, which is great."

"Great," Chandler echoed. "My cells are having an unsolicited orgy with chance of death, but-"

"Here is an extremely high chance that you will come out of this un-"

"Scathed?"

"Yes."

Chandler fell silent, picking at another piece of lint. The silence in the room grew to the point of being uncomfortable, and Rachel found herself wiping away silent tears, wanting to escape the room, escape the hospital, get the hell out of there and out of the city. But that was selfish, so she stayed, glancing from her friends. Monica had regrasped Chandler's hand, with less of a grip this time round. She was watching him with a careful face, on the edge of tears. Rachel had seen that look so many times, but never before had she seen her friend look so lost.

_Leukemia…_

Phoebe was standing in the corner of the room, looking a lot like Rachel felt; like she wanted to get the hell out. She was chewing on her hair; something Rachel hadn't seen her do for a very long time.

_Why couldn't it just have stayed at pneumonia?_

Ross was pacing slightly, and Rachel found her eyes drawn to him unwillingly. Had this situation arose a couple of months ago, he would be hugging her right now, and she thought she might have needed that at that moment. Her eyes continued to follow him, until they flicked over to Joey, who was walking past Ross and out the door.

"Joey," she started, then stopped. She had no idea what to say, and it was then she realised the unbearable silence had lasted no more than fifty seconds, and it had only taken that long for Joey to throw in the towel.

"Maybe I should come back later?" Dr Stephens said a moment later and Rachel almost felt sorry for her, until she remembered that the good doctor had been the one to _cause _the uncomfortable situation.

"That might be a good idea," Chandler said quietly, his voice fading in and out with each syllable. Dr Stephens nodded, taking baby steps towards the door.

"Okay…rest up, Chandler." Rachel watched her go, then turned back to the group.

"I'll go check on Joey," Phoebe said, sounding more solemn then Rachel had heard her sound in a long time. She was gone in a flash, and Rachel looked up at Ross, wanting and needing that hug.

"Chandler…" Monica shook her head, not sure what to say, instead choosing to almost paw at his hand with her own.

"I might sleep," Chandler said after a moment, and Rachel wondered if and when the news would sink in for him. She wasn't sure if it had for her.

"Do you want us to leave?" Monica asked gently.

"I'm going to go for a walk," Ross spoke up suddenly. Rachel nodded. It didn't sound like a bad idea. She felt like she was suffocating.

"Okay…can you stay?" Chandler's question was directed at Monica, who immediately nodded. "Thanks."

"Of course."

"We'll be back later, Chandler," Rachel said softly, then turned and left the room, down the corridor, needing to breathe. She felt so selfish, Chandler needed her, needed them, but-

"Hey." Ross grabbed her arm gently, stopping her in her tracks. She let out a short sigh, then turned to face him.

"Hey."

"You…" Ross let out a humourless laugh, unsure of what to say. Instead, he pulled Rachel towards him, wrapping his arms around her tightly. Rachel froze, then slipped her arms around his waist. "I-Is this okay?"

"I don't know," she answered truthfully, a sniffle in her voice, but _god _did she need the hug. "How can this be happening, Ross?"

Ross cleared his throat, pulled her a bit tighter, and Rachel knew he was breaking some sort of 'ex couple' rule, but didn't care. "I don't know," he echoed and Rachel felt her eyes blur again.


	4. Chapter 4

Finally, a new chapter. Not very long, but still, new! I'm gonna really get into the deep stuff in the next chap; trying to keep it almost peaceful for this one before things hit the fan, hehe. Once again, I'm completely flabbergasted with the amount of reviews I've received. Thank you so much guys, you're fanbloodytastic! So please read and review, and I'll try to update soon! I love you guys! Whee!

I do not own friends/actors/characters, but...you know the rest.

* * *

Rachel really didn't understand.

She knew that the others had never expected her to, but _she _had. Her daddy was a doctor, for God sakes. She had grown up hearing about the ins and outs of medicine, some things she had rather not be told, others she had vehemently demanded to hear more about.

But when Dr Stephens had started talking shop to Chandler about this, she hadn't understood.

It wasn't like she was upset that she didn't get something – dumb old Rachel doesn't understand – it was just…

If she understood the disease, she thought maybe she would understand _why_ this had happened to Chandler, She thought, maybe…

_I don't know._

Rachel pushed her hair behind her ears, knowing she needed it cut but really, was that something to worry about?

_If I understood why…maybe I could help…maybe I could fix things. No…I've always clung to false hopes._

"What makes this any different?" she murmured.

"Did you say something?"

Rachel glanced at Ross in surprise, having forgotten he was in the room. And then there was that debacle.

"No, I was just…talking to myself."

_Damn him for being so…Ross!_

In the two days since Dr Stephens had announced the leukemia, Ross had been nothing if not supportive and sweet.

It almost made her forget about the copier girl.

Almost.

Rachel rubbed at her forehead, begging her frown lines away as she watched Ross. He was doing work and she wondered just how much concentration he was putting into that. There might be some pissed off co-workers banging down his door soon enough.

"They should be here by now," she said suddenly, surprising herself. Ross glanced up. "I mean, the hospital isn't that far away!"

"We live in New York," Ross said after a bat, as if that was an acceptable answer.

"Yes, and?"

"Well, generally in New York, the traffic can do this thing where it goes really slow, some times even coming to a stop!"

"If I had wanted sarcasm, I would have asked Letterman."

"I never really found him to be all that sarcastic," Ross said after a moments thought. Rachel stared blankly at him.

"Really? Not even when-"

"We're home!" Monica announced as she burst through the door, holding it open for Joey and Chandler. Rachel jumped to her feet, plastering a huge smile on her face.

"Hey Chandler, how're you feeling?"

"Like a monkey's playing me," he said as he walked to the couch, voice still croaky. His answer stopped everyone in their tracks and Chandler merely waved his hand in their direction. "It's a whole accordion thing."

"Okay then. Where's Pheebs?" Ross questioned as he watched Chandler lay down on the couch.

"She had to take the cab back. Her Grandma needed it," Monica answered as she covered Chandler with a blanket, then felt his forehead. Rachel felt on the verge of rolling her eyes and she noticed Joey was already doing so.

Monica was in ultra mothering mode, to the point where Rachel was sure that if Chandler wasn't so tired, he would have slaughtered her.

But Chandler _was _so tired, almost asleep already, and Rachel knew his slaughtering days were a while away.

That thought made her tear up.

_You are not going to cry again, Rach._

Blinking away the tears, Rachel quickly stepped over to the kitchen, where Monica had ventured to with unsurprising speed. Sometimes, she swore Mon had super powers.

"What did Dr Stephens say?" Ross asked as soon as he got within whispering distance. Rachel knew he needed to know all the details, and _fast. _That was just Ross.

"The results of the lumbar puncture came back negative, thank god."

Rachel and Ross breathed a sigh of relief, although Rachel wished they hadn't had to do the test in the first place. She hadn't been witness to it but Chandler hadn't many kind words to say after.

"So it hasn't manifested into his nervous system?" Ross questioned softly and Monica shook her head.

"Apparently, that's fantastic news. We really did catch it early. She said Chandler has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia."

"W-What does that mean?" Rachel knew the word acute didn't mean anything good, and was amazed that Monica had been able to memorize the name.

"Well, it's not good…of course it's not good, it's cancer." Monica shook her head, cleared her throat and continued. "But the earlier it's detected, the more effective the treatment."

"Is it…fatal?"

Rachel wanted to beat Ross for even asking that question, but she found her eyes focussed on a nervous Monica, awaiting the answer.

"If…left untreated."

"Oh God-"

"But it's gonna get treated. Chandler starts chemotherapy tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Ross looked horrified and Rachel's hand managed to find his arm. She wasn't sure if he noticed. _She _barely noticed.

"The sooner he gets started…" Monica didn't bother finishing the sentence. Rachel bit her lip, glancing from Monica to Ross, then behind her. Joey was sitting across from Chandler, simply staring at his sleeping friend, face unreadable. Rachel felt her hand drop from Ross and she walked over to the couch, still looking at Joey.

_God, what he must be going through…what Ross must be going through…what _Chandler_ must be going through._

Rachel's eyes flickered from Joey to Chandler, who had a peaceful look on his face. She suddenly realized why Joey was staring. That look was present only when he was asleep.

Maybe not even then. It might disappear soon, replaced with a look of pain.

_What with all the chemo…_

Rachel found her eyes sweeping Chandler's body, felt a hand appear on her shoulder.

Ross.

She didn't shrug it away, instead continued to stare and found that the only thought she could focus on was insignificant.

"He's going to lose his hair," she whispered, feeling stupid for speaking her insignificant thought, and perhaps even a little insane. But the hand on her shoulder tightened and Joey nodded.

"Yeah," he said sadly and suddenly, Rachel didn't feel nearly as insane.


End file.
